Pillow-deep In Grey

In my head
Behind my eyes
I'm on the moon
Jumping, flying

In my bed
I fertilise
A field of dreams
Multiplying

But here they stay
My heart, my hopes, my wedding day
And here they fade away
And leave me pillow-deep in grey

I have been
A hundred girls
A hundred times
Fantasizing

I was going
To change the world
To claim the stars
Electrifying

But here I'll be
No care, no cause, no cure for me
I'm nobody
Held hostage by this lack of energy

And I wander through the night
And I wander through the ocean
And all the dark places in my head
But I never leave my bed

In my head
Behind my eyes
I'm on the moon
Jumping, flying

In my bed
I fertilise
A field of dreams
Multiplying

But here they stay
My heart, my hopes, my wedding day
And here they fade away
And leave me pillow-deep
I’m fading away
I’m nurturing my personal private doomsday
And my heart, my hopes
Are pillow-deep in grey

—Sarah Stanton