World Mental Health Day 2018
What have I learned about mental illness this last year?
I’ve learned it changes names on you a lot. I went from having BPD to having never had BPD to having autism to maybe also having bipolar to definitely also having bipolar and I still don’t know if I have OCD or ADHD. I’ve stayed the same person the whole time, but the labels have gone scrambling. All I can do is scurry after them trying to catch up.
I’ve learned it’s harder than I ever thought it was, and I was pretty sure it washard. The last year has been an agony of flip-flops, manic to sobbing depressed, from so anxious I can’t sit still or think to so blissed out I forget to eat or sleep. I’ve learned it sneaks up on you, and that life with mental health is a life about always being ready.
But most of all I’ve learned it takes love. What’s kept me going the last year has been the love of my partner, my mum, my friends — and the small, short amount of love I am able to give myself. I couldn’t always do that, I’ve had to train myself. My therapist calls it “going to green”. So today I’m going to teach you a little about that, because I wish I’d gotten to learn it long before I did. Green is — well, it’s all important. And it goes like this. You have a pie chart with three colours in it: red, and blue, and green. Red is all the scary emotions — fear, anger, jealousy, anxiety, things like that. Blue is everything “rational” — logic, common-sense, problem-solving, rationalising yourself down. And green is green. Compassion, love, acceptance. And if I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that green matters more than anything else when it comes to fighting red. For people with mental health issues, especially. We don’t get a lot of green in our worlds. So this World Mental Health Day, please consider spending a little time going to green. Show some love to a friend who needs it. Be kind to yourself. Put a little bit of compassion out into the world, because we need it today and we need it every day of the year. I can’t think of any better advice to give anyone who’s struggling. Red is scary, and blue is fine for fighting it a little at a time, but it’s green that’s going to save us. So go out and be green to yourself and everyone you know. Especially those who you can see most need it. I’ll be sitting right here being as green as I can to me.
